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New words & Alternate meanings
My friend Jacquie the QuiltMuse sent me this and of course I had to share…. I used to live in DC and one of the highlights of the newspaper year was when these definitions would come out…. they are ALWAYS hilarious. Just goes to prove that bureaucrats and politicos (well, some of them) DO have a sense of wit!
Here is the Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. —-some of the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
3. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
4. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
5. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
6. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
7. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
8. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
9. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
10. Decafalon (n): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
11. Glibido: All talk and no action.
12. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
13. Arachnoleptic Fit (n): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
14. Beelzebug (n): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
15. Caterpallor (n): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.
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The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, (n) An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
March 4th, 2008 at 3:49 am
Some of these are really good 🙂
March 4th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
Thanks for the giggle!
March 5th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
I used to live outside DC, too – I remember when those came out every year… thanks for sharing.
May 13th, 2008 at 1:11 am
Ah, the funny and some creative