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Requiescat in Pace Mama
This afternoon, on a sunny, summery first of July, Mama’s spirit left this earth peacefully. After deepening dementia over the past years and a more rapid decline since early February, her passing is a loss and a blessing. I’m guessing about now she is in a joyful reunion with her Mama and sisters, whom she often asked about in recent years (tho long gone, she’d ask if I had heard from them and how they were doing) and then with my Papa and half-brothers (who better be telling hilariously funny stories about Daddy!). I miss them all.
This is the last photo I took of Mama, just two days before Mother’s day this year. A print of it was on her windowsill in her line of sight from her bed.
Mama and me, May 2011, at the Courtyards dining room, Quarry Hill, Camden, Maine
Hospice had thought she might go some 10 days ago, but they didn’t count on mama’s strength of will. For a frail 92 year old, she was still her determined self to the last. On Monday, the man thought she might not last the night…. but I was able to visit her again every day since including this morning a few hours before she left.
I am so eternally grateful that a place in the dementia nursing care facility didn’t open and that she was able to breathe her last at Quarry Hill, the retirement community in Camden. They have independent and assisted living, dementia care, and a small nursing wing. She was able to die surrounded by her paintings and beautiful oriental rug and pretty things, but best of all was the kind, gracious and thoughtful care from the staff on 3rd floor (assisted living, 2008-2010) and in the Courtyards (dementia care) since last July. I always used to be freaked out by such places, and now I know that goodness happens there and there are so many angels walking amongst us.
Mama was a pretty amazing woman, born back in 1918 in the tiny town of Powell, Wyoming. Her mother was determined that her four daughters and one son–in the Depression mind you–would go to college. And Gramma made that happen–in part by opening a kitchen to fix breakfasts and lunches for college students in Buckhannon, West Virginia, where all the girls attended college. Mama finished her degree in three years, but her yen to travel was stymied by World War 2.
Mama, circa 1942/3, before she was my mama!
At the end of the war she entered the military and worked as an Air Control Tower Operator at Anacostia, near Washington, D.C. Students got to pick assignments at the end of the war by class rank; she was second in her class, so she picked the farthest away spot on the list: Tokyo! So in 1946-47 Mama lived and worked in Japan with the Occupation Army. She fell in love with the people and the country, and that stayed with her for the rest of her life, as did her love of travel. For the next 20 years she lived overseas (and met my Dad working at the US Embassy in Quito, Ecuador), and even after they returned to the States she still traveled when she could.
Mama used to say she wanted to travel by yak in Nepal, and we all laughed, trying to picture mom in her mink, pearls and Ferragamo shoes atop a yak! So in honor of Mama, the next time you pass a jewelry store admire the fine jewelry. And if you like shoes, enjoy browsing (Mama’s taste ran to the Ferragamo’s so my preference for Birkenstock’s, sneakers and Dansko’s was a keen disappointment to her). Despite our many differences, Mama did what she thought best, she worked hard, and she always tried to get the best for me, her only child. So hoist a glass of your favorite drink (white zin, hot tea with milk, whatever) to honor strong and smart women everywhere. Here’s to my mama! Now I’m going to find another kleenex and give thanks for a Mama who believed in me. And I in her….
July 1st, 2011 at 8:01 pm
What a long, wonderful life she led. Your mother will always be with you. Sending good thoughts…
July 1st, 2011 at 8:06 pm
Oh Sarah – sending you many cyber {{{{{HUGS}}}}}}.
As you said, a loss and a blessing…keep all those memories close….she still there with you in spirit.
Deepest sympathies you & your family.
July 1st, 2011 at 8:10 pm
What a beautiful tribute. Wishing for blessings for you in the coming days.
July 1st, 2011 at 8:30 pm
Tears welling up. I loved this story about your Mom. Another friend lost her mom yesterday – in her 90s,too. I hope I can live that long and have my daughters make such a lovely tribute. (((hugs))))
July 1st, 2011 at 9:04 pm
I’m raising my glass to your Mom, and wrapping my arms around you. You have been on my mind and I checked earlier today and there was not a new entry. Sending love.
July 1st, 2011 at 9:07 pm
Sarah, what a lovely tribute to your mother- she sounds like an amazing woman. Treasure your memories of the many years you had with her. My sympathies to you and your family.
July 1st, 2011 at 9:38 pm
Sarah, I know the curse… and often the humor of dementia. It was so good that you were able to spend time with her in her final days. Your entry here was lovely and your mother surely must have given her strength to you. Peace be with both of you and remember her often with love.
July 1st, 2011 at 9:45 pm
Lovely tribute and blessings upon you.
July 1st, 2011 at 9:47 pm
I drink a toast to you and your Mom, Sarah. I have long been an admirer of your work…and I have a friend in Camden who also admires your work.
I hope you find peace in wonderful memories of her, and I am so happy for you that you were able to be with her just a few hours before she left you.
July 1st, 2011 at 9:55 pm
Very beautiful story, and I’m glad you were able to be with her at the end. Hospice folks really are angels among us. May be always be looking down at you, and may you always feel her arms around you.
July 1st, 2011 at 9:59 pm
Oh Sarah! What a beautiful eulogy for an amazing woman! My heart goes out to you (I was were you are 15 months ago). It s a strange place – you cry for the lose but you breath a deep sigh of relief for the release of a captured spirit!
Love and Hugz
Sally
July 1st, 2011 at 10:13 pm
Beautiful tribute Sarah. My thoughts are with you.
July 1st, 2011 at 10:27 pm
Memories last forever, I wish you peace. Hugs~
July 1st, 2011 at 10:31 pm
I’m sure it’s such a sad day because it marks the end of an era, but know that it’s a true beginning of adventure for her. What a nice write up of her life, it really shows her essence. I pray God comforts you in the days, weeks, and even years to come when you think of her.
July 1st, 2011 at 10:34 pm
Sarah, this is so amazing. Know that I am thinking of you and your family. I’m so glad that you got home in time to say goodbye and spend some time with her.
July 1st, 2011 at 11:50 pm
Sarah, I am so sorry for your loss but happy for your wonderful memories of your mother. Sounds like she led a good and full life. I would wish the same for you.
Hugs from Jan
July 2nd, 2011 at 2:13 am
(((Sarah))) I have spent the day weeping over women I did not know, but have met their wonderful daughters in this community of quilters. Your tribute to your Mom was beautiful and so touching. I hope your memories and knowing that she has found peace help ease the loss of such a remarkable woman. My thoughts are with you and your family.
July 2nd, 2011 at 3:45 am
Thank you for that, Sarah. I loved reading about your Mama. Hugs, from Dorothy.
July 2nd, 2011 at 6:22 am
What a great mama you had. Her story is beautifully told. I’m sorry for your loss but you have great memories of a great mama.
July 2nd, 2011 at 7:34 am
I’m sorry for the loss of your mom, but am happy that you are able to look back so fondly at the memories of her. You wrote a lovely tribute.
July 2nd, 2011 at 9:08 am
Beautifully written, Sarah. You have captured the essence of your mother in describing qualities we can all relate to in our own mothers. It’s so sad to lose a parent at any age. My sympathy and hugs to you.
July 2nd, 2011 at 9:38 am
What a beautiful memorial to your mother. A truly amazing woman. I am so sorry for your loss.
July 2nd, 2011 at 12:14 pm
Beautiful tribute. Big hug.
July 2nd, 2011 at 1:32 pm
Sarah, I am happy that you shared this story with us today. It sounds like your mom’s passing and dementia was easier than what happened to my stepdad and our family, but still just as difficult to navigate emotionally because you have lost such a special person in your life, and in the world. I can see you in her B&W photo. She sounds like a kindred soul – living and traveling abroad. So I am raising my cup of morning java to toast your mom and her amazing life. Sending you and your famiy lots of hugs…
July 2nd, 2011 at 3:20 pm
What a beautiful, moving post. I’m sorry for your loss and hope that your mother’s memory will be a blessing to you.
July 2nd, 2011 at 3:46 pm
A beautiful and moving post. Sending you cyber hugs
July 2nd, 2011 at 5:50 pm
Sarah many hugs to you,losing your mother is one of those rites of passage and a deep loss- but she lived a full rich life. I am raising my morning cup of tea with a small amount of leatherwood honey to toast both your mama and you! And of course many hugs for you and family.
July 2nd, 2011 at 8:31 pm
Many years ago I had a pair of Ferragamo shoes: they were wonderful. Several years later I phased into Birkenstocks and then to Crocs and Sketchers. I completely understand each of you and each of you are and were wonderful. And I see that you know how happy she is now, probably wearing Ferragamos and pearls.
July 3rd, 2011 at 12:59 am
Thank you so much for sharing the story of your Mom’s life. What a wonderful and exciting life she led! I’m so sorry for your loss while also thankful that her passing was peaceful.
Hugs from Maureen
July 4th, 2011 at 12:49 am
Sarah, I’m so sorry about your mother. My dad died of dementia at the age of 90. I guess if they live long enough, that’s not unusual. Your mother was sure a beauty, wasn’t she? And what an adventurous life she led! Amazing woman. Makes me think of people like Julia Child, the spy/chef. I bet she was always proud of you and what you have accomplished, too.
July 4th, 2011 at 5:41 am
I’m so sorry about your loss – and I’m glad to read what a wonderful life she had. Sending you a silent toast. Take care, Frauke
July 4th, 2011 at 9:08 am
You expressed beautifully the sadness and relief of your mom’s passing. Thank you for sharing the story of her life. We should all be so fortunate to live our lives the way we desire and to have a loving child’s reverence for that and our passing. Heartfelt sympathy for your loss, Sarah.
July 5th, 2011 at 3:32 pm
Dear Sarah, your mother was indeed beautiful and you have such lovely memories of her to treasure.
Warmest sympathy from the other side of the ocean, HannekeXXX
July 8th, 2011 at 5:02 pm
Although a little late, I will toast your mother in her happier place surrounded by loved ones.
She sounded like a wonderful woman and you were very lucky to have her for your Mama.
July 9th, 2011 at 7:39 pm
Sarah,
what a wonderful, loving tribute to your Mama. Thanks for sharing her with us. Hugs to all as you mourn her passing.
July 9th, 2011 at 9:57 pm
Oh Sarah,
I just read about your mom, who sounds like quite a woman. God bless both of you, and you’ll be in my thoughts much during this emotional time.
July 10th, 2011 at 8:06 pm
I’m sorry to read of my mother’s passing, Sarah. She was born in the state in which I now live! So, we have Wyoming in common as well as a love for Salvatore Ferragamo shoes! Your remembrance of her is moving and hear-warming. Thank you for sharing it with us.
July 11th, 2011 at 9:50 am
I was so sorry to hear of your mother’s passing. I too recently lost my mother. She had suffered from Alzheimer’s for a number of years was was in a facility for the last seven years of her life.
I like to think of her joy on being reunited with her parents, brothers, husband, and many, many friends who went on before her. And I am sure that she was happy that the weight problems she always dealt with resolved themselves when she got to the point that she no longer had an interest in eating.
Thank you for sharing your memories of your mother.
July 12th, 2011 at 3:52 pm
Oh Sarah, I am so sorry about your Mama’s passing. Your remembrances were heartwarming, and it sounds like she was quite an amazing lady!
My mother is in a nursing home with Alzheimer’s too, and she has been there for nearly a year now. I completely understand how your Mama’s passing is a loss and a blessing as I watch my Mom continually slip away. It’s a strange disease and I hope they find a cure soon.
Thank you for sharing her memories Sarah. I hope and pray that your heart heals soon but the memories stay sharp. D~~~~
July 15th, 2011 at 1:19 pm
Sarah sorry I’m very late reading this post, my sincere regrets at the passing of your mother but also my joy that you had such a wonderful mother and have so many happy memories,
a beautiful tribute, sending lots of (((hugs)))
Frances x
p.s our mother’s were born the same year but it seems that is all they have in common,
July 18th, 2011 at 8:34 am
Sarah, So sorry to hear of your Mother’s passing. But what a lovely tribute to her! Having her close by was a blessing, as you could see her often. It’s also good that you found a wonderful place for her to reside. Sending you (((hugs))) and understanding as many of us have been where you & your Momma have been. She sounds like an amazing lady and you an amazing daughter!
Thanks for sharing your memories of your Momma!
Alice B.